Editing Assigment

The first place I went was to Mr. Herb's but to my surprise when I opened the front door his house was empty.

Revised: The first place I went was Mr. Herb's, to my surprise when I opened the front door the house as empty

I paused thinking of some kind of little fib to make it more fun then what it actually was

Revised:I paused, thinking of some kind of little fib to make this more fun than it actually was.

“This is how it went” said Josh

Revised: "This is how it went."  Said Josh.

Mr. Clean house was an ugly yellow color. 

Revised:Mr. Clean's house was an ugly yellow colour.

A silly lion wouldn't defeat me but I’m not going to risk waking a lion and hurting him.

Revised: A silly lion wouldn't defeat me, but I'm not going to risk waking a lion and hurting him. 

The tree in the back yard stood so tall, within the tree was the tree house not just any tree house, it was a magic tree house.

Revised: The tree in the backyard stood so tall, within the tree was the tree was the tree house not just any tree house, it was a magical tree house.

Its not that big, but its yellow with a blue roof. 

Revised: It's not that big, but it's yellow with a blue roof.

No wonder he is in the old folk’s home, he shouldn’t be allowed to drive. 

Revised: No wonder he is the old folk's home, he shouldn't even be allowed to drive.

It was shinny, I thought it was something I lost in the tree when I was playing astronaut a few days ago.

Revised: It was shiny, I though it was something I lost in the tree when I was playing astronaut a few days ago.

She took her paper out and started to role it up so I went on the run again.

Revised:  She took her paper out and started to roll it up so I went on the run again.

So to save time we jumped the fence, not knowing that our neighbour was mowin the lawn we ran out in front of the strip he was mowing, that must of made him mad because he chased up quite a ways up the road. 

Revised:  So, to save time we jumped the fence not knowing that our neighbor was mowing the lawn we ran out in front of the strip he was mowing, that must of made him mad because he chased us up the road.

My dad seen me and said “I’m going to count to three if you don't get off the top of that car you are grounded for a week!".

Revised: My dad saw me and said "I'm going to count to three, if you don't get off the top of the car you are grounded for a week!"

But I didn’t see anything scary I just seen a cute little puppy, the puppy had his collar caught on a branch. 

Revised: I didn't see anything scary, I just saw a cute little puppy, the puppy had his collar caught on a branch.

Jonah knew it was getting at least three o’clock and he needed to come home soon because he grandparents could already be worried sick. 

Revised:  Jonah knew it was getting to be at least three o'clock and he needed to come home soon because his grandparents could already be worried.

I let out a little yell when it turned on and he let out a chuckle and said in his friendly voice “Hey, Sorry if I startled ya!”

Revised:  I let out a little yell when it turned on and he let out a chuckle and in a friendly voice said "Hey, sorry if I startled you!"

The world is such a sick and twisted place now, it’s not safe for children to go out by themselves when there’s maniacs such as rapists, murderers, etc. on the loose.

Revised:  The world is such a sick and twisted place now, It's not safe for children to go out by themselves when there is maniacs such as rapists and murderers on the loose. 

There is a maze and you must pass through at least five courses to have finished the maze.

Revised:  There is a maze, you must pass through at least five courses to finish the maze. 

 later on that day I dicided to go for a little hunt back in the woods to see if I could get any birds or if I could spot a deer. 

Revised:  Later on that day I decided to go for a little hunt back in the woods to see if I could find any birds or spot a deer.