Revised Sentences

• The sentences waiting to be revised...

• It was the hurricane I seen on TV and, I automatically knew I wanted to help.
• Revised: It was a hurricane I saw on TV, I automatically knew I wanted to help.
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• I was never so scared in my life. everything went silent, then i started dropping.
• Revise: I have never been so scared in my life, everything went silent and then I dropped.  
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• The only thing I disliked about this review is she went it to great detail about the movie. 
• Revised: The only thing I disliked about this review is that she went into great detail about the movie.
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• We grabbed the ball off the face off and went down to their side of the quart , I was just outside the 3 point line when I looked up at the score clock and seen there was one second left I took the shot.
• Revised: We grabbed the ball at the face-off and went down their side of the court, I was just outside the three point line when I looked up at the score clock and saw that there was only one second left. I took the shot.
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• As I cooked my bacon and fried my eggs I knew I was going to have an excellent day.
• Revised: As I cooked the bacon and fried the eggs, I knew that I was going to have an excellent day.
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• The most valuable player of the team is Josh, he wants to be just like Michael Jordan and all the other popular basketball players. 
• Revised: The most valuable player on the team is Josh, he wants to be just as good as famous basketball players like Micheal Jordan.
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• I looked and seen Ty and Mark waving.
• Revised: I looked and saw Ty and Mark waving.
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• The monster let's out a deafening thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at my Shane.
• Revised:  The monster let out it's defending thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at Shane.
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• Tick...Tick...Tick, its all coming back.
• Revised: Tick, Tick, Tick...  It's all coming back.
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• the year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station going to work for my uncle.
• Revised:  The year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station to work for my uncle.
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• They should not have been more than half an hour and by the time seven o’clock hit, we knew something was terribly wrong.
• Revised:  They shouldn't have been more then half an hour by the time seven o'clock hit, that was when we knew something was terribly wrong.
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• The only thing we had to eat was the rotten leftovers of my riders supper from the night before.  
• Revised:  The only thing we had to eat was rotten leftovers from my riders supper the night before.
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• I heard a crash in the woods the brush was rustling and the trees cracking.
• Revised: I heard a crash in the woods, the brush was rusting, the trees were cracking.
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• ...and yet it has already set out on it’s long journey, in search of where he belongs in this world.
• Revised:  Yet, it has already set out on it's long journey, in search of where it belongs in this world.
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• Soon I meet up with the only person who’s time I enjoy, my dearest friend Rory, her hair is so short you can barely run your hands through it, but it suits her.
• Revised:  Soon I meet up with the only person who's time I enjoy; my dearest friend Rory.  Her hair is so short she can barely run her hands through it but, it suits her.
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•  I often travel, I run a blog about visiting un-mapped places. 
• Revised:  I travel often, I run a blog about visiting places that aren't on the map.
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• As we put our winter clothing on to head out. I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table. 
• Revised:  As we put on our winter clothing to head out, I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table.
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• I usually don’t agree to go into town because of the fact of how the people.
• Revised:  I usually don't' agree to go into town, because of how the people (act?)

Finding Forrester

Finding Forrester is an aspiring movie directed by Gus Van Sant and was written by Mike Rich.  There are many known stars in this movie such as Sean Connery, who plays the main character William Forrester and has also starred in Sir Billi as the voice of Sir Billi and has voiced James Bond in the 2005 video game.  Rob Brown also plays an important character Jamal Wallace and has also played in some million dollar hits like The Dark Night Rises as Allen, also is currently filming Don Jon’s Addiction where he plays Bobby.  Busta Rhymes plays as Terrell Wallace however he is mostly known for his music being played in shows like So You Think You Can Dance, Easy A and Step Up 3D.

The film begins with you believe it will be all about hard core “life on the hood”, and all about basketball.  However there is a mysterious man who looks in the window, Jamal, one of the main characters and his friends believe the man in the window is looking at them.  Little do they know he actually has something else in mind other than “petty” ball games.  Jamal gets a dare from his friends to sneak into this man’s house.  Terrific idea right?  Not so much.  However in some horribly twisted way Jamal becomes friends with this man and as it turns out he is William Forrester.  William is another main character and he and Jamal develop in a way I have never seen before in the course of a film.  Jamal, even though he shows average grades for teachers, nothing to stand out, shines in his test scores  this out shine sends him on an adventure he could never imagine.  William Forrester is a man cooped up in his own house, never seeming to leave, not even for his own shopping.  Jamal brings out something in William I never could of thought possible.

This film reminded me a lot of Freedom writers, in my own personal opinion Jamal is very similar in mind to the students in the film Freedom Writers.  They do not think they are worthwhile and that nothing they do will ever matter however the teacher in Freedom Writers challenges their thinking, bringing words to them and inspiring them.  This is what I feel William does for Jamal, Jamal thinks he isn’t worth time and nothing he ever does will be worthwhile because he’s just a kid in the Bronx and he will never amount to anything but a stupid basketball player in the eyes of others.  However William shows Jamal his potential and pulls all his inspiration out and shows him the heights he can reach, even if he does it in a cruel hateful yet somehow caring way.

The effects in this film were amazing.  As I've said before, I've never seen such amazing character adaption and connection and how they seemed to grow right before your eyes.  It’s like a child; it’s a baby at one moment and an adult the next.  However the characters did not adapt too quickly.  Everything was done at the right moment.  The setting fit very well for what they were trying to accomplish, being in the Bronx and show casing how even with them having nothing they can still make the best of it.  The conflict being man vs. himself between both Jamal and William, was fascinating to watch unfurl before your eyes.

There was so much meaning within this film it almost hurts.   All the words said, Jamal standing up for himself even though he probably shouldn't of and the way when people put him down he always came through with proving them wrong.  He was not a stereotype and he was not going to be treated as one.  William however, dear, dear William he even inspired me.  How the words of others have driven him into solitude and how he was yet able to overcome that and stand up for Jamal.  The basic message within this movie is to overcome your fears and obstacles.  Let nothing stand in your way of reaching what you want to reach.  No one holds you back more than yourself.