Revised Sentences

• The sentences waiting to be revised...

• It was the hurricane I seen on TV and, I automatically knew I wanted to help.
• Revised: It was a hurricane I saw on TV, I automatically knew I wanted to help.
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• I was never so scared in my life. everything went silent, then i started dropping.
• Revise: I have never been so scared in my life, everything went silent and then I dropped.  
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• The only thing I disliked about this review is she went it to great detail about the movie. 
• Revised: The only thing I disliked about this review is that she went into great detail about the movie.
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• We grabbed the ball off the face off and went down to their side of the quart , I was just outside the 3 point line when I looked up at the score clock and seen there was one second left I took the shot.
• Revised: We grabbed the ball at the face-off and went down their side of the court, I was just outside the three point line when I looked up at the score clock and saw that there was only one second left. I took the shot.
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• As I cooked my bacon and fried my eggs I knew I was going to have an excellent day.
• Revised: As I cooked the bacon and fried the eggs, I knew that I was going to have an excellent day.
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• The most valuable player of the team is Josh, he wants to be just like Michael Jordan and all the other popular basketball players. 
• Revised: The most valuable player on the team is Josh, he wants to be just as good as famous basketball players like Micheal Jordan.
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• I looked and seen Ty and Mark waving.
• Revised: I looked and saw Ty and Mark waving.
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• The monster let's out a deafening thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at my Shane.
• Revised:  The monster let out it's defending thunder of a roar, hissing and snapping at Shane.
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• Tick...Tick...Tick, its all coming back.
• Revised: Tick, Tick, Tick...  It's all coming back.
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• the year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station going to work for my uncle.
• Revised:  The year was 1964, I was just a young boy going to the new train station to work for my uncle.
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• They should not have been more than half an hour and by the time seven o’clock hit, we knew something was terribly wrong.
• Revised:  They shouldn't have been more then half an hour by the time seven o'clock hit, that was when we knew something was terribly wrong.
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• The only thing we had to eat was the rotten leftovers of my riders supper from the night before.  
• Revised:  The only thing we had to eat was rotten leftovers from my riders supper the night before.
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• I heard a crash in the woods the brush was rustling and the trees cracking.
• Revised: I heard a crash in the woods, the brush was rusting, the trees were cracking.
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• ...and yet it has already set out on it’s long journey, in search of where he belongs in this world.
• Revised:  Yet, it has already set out on it's long journey, in search of where it belongs in this world.
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• Soon I meet up with the only person who’s time I enjoy, my dearest friend Rory, her hair is so short you can barely run your hands through it, but it suits her.
• Revised:  Soon I meet up with the only person who's time I enjoy; my dearest friend Rory.  Her hair is so short she can barely run her hands through it but, it suits her.
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•  I often travel, I run a blog about visiting un-mapped places. 
• Revised:  I travel often, I run a blog about visiting places that aren't on the map.
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• As we put our winter clothing on to head out. I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table. 
• Revised:  As we put on our winter clothing to head out, I can almost smell the turkey dinner waiting on the dining room table.
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• I usually don’t agree to go into town because of the fact of how the people.
• Revised:  I usually don't' agree to go into town, because of how the people (act?)